Military Spouses: Heroes on the Homefront

Published May 5, 2010
By Staff Sgt. Dilia Ayala
509th Bomb Wing Public Affairs

WHITEMAN AIR FORCE BASE, Mo. -- It is no secret that a house built in mud is set to crumble, but a house built on a concrete foundation will stand strong. This year as the Air Force observes Year of the AF Family, it celebrates those who make up its foundation - military spouses, children and those serving alongside their servicemember.

"The military spouse is a special individual ... an individual who can make or break the mission in combat - they're that important," Brig. Gen. Robert Wheeler, 509th Bomb Wing commander. I couldn't do this job successfully without the hard work and dedication of military spouses."

In conjunction with this celebration, Whiteman welcomed two spouses this week who through their sacrifice and service are the embodiment of service before self and what it is to be the foundation of their family.

Ursula Martin and Cheryl Dodson, widows of Col. George Martin and Capt. Michael Dodson, Raider 21 crash victims, visited Whiteman sharing their story and message of survival.

"You never expect anything like this will ever happen to you," Mrs. Martin said "Then all of a sudden you get that knock on the door ... It's hard to come to terms with, but our husbands were doing what they loved.

"Today, we share our story to show others we are continuing to support the military as we continue our lives, and raise their children," she continued.
"We want to make them proud and keep their memory alive, by helping others who are walking in our shoes."

The duo hopes to encourage other spouses in their situation or who have spouses serving in the military to be empowered through themselves and their resources.

"I married my husband knowing he may go up in an airplane and not come home," said Mrs. Dodson. "I chose to serve too. (Military spouses) also chose to be married to those men and women who serve, and they have to be strong. If they are not strong and taking care of business at home, their husbands or wives cannot serve effectively.

"For me, if something went wrong at home, I took care of it," she added. "I wanted him to be as safe and effective Airman as he could. If he had to worry about stuff at home, money and me, he could not do that. It was important for his well-being, and for the mission."

Mrs. Martin concurred.

"To the military spouse, you are required to be this 'wonder woman,'" she said. "There are a lot of requirements that you need to fulfill in his absence. You need to be strong. Listen to them, be an outlet for them. Be their motivation and inspiration, not someone who brings them down."

Military spouses are encouraged to make use of both the on- and off-base resources available to them.

"A strong family is the essence of mission success," said Mrs. Martin. "Use your base resources: the Key Spouses Program, the Airman and Family Readiness Center, etc. There are countless avenues out there."

The Key Spouses Program provides spouses with the information and support they need to help their family survive and thrive before and after their significant other has deployed.

"When the guys and gals deploy, it's their families who are left behind to keeping things intact, keeping things working and so forth," said Rachel Wheeler, Key Spouse. "We are here to take care of their families so that they are not worried about them and feel comfortable leaving and are focused on the mission, knowing that someone is here supporting their spouses, supporting their children and trying to make their lives the best they can while they are gone."

For those spouses who have encountered a loss, Mrs. Martin and Mrs. Dodson, encourage spouses to become familiar with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. TAPS offers immediate and long-term emotional help, hope and healing to anyone grieving the death of a loved one in the military service to America, regardless of their relationship to the deceased or the circumstances of death.

In addition to formal resources, they also encourage spouses to stay actively engaged in their general community and other spouses.

"When the accident first took place, there was a two-week time period where I could not get out of bed," said Mrs. Dodson. "I stayed up all night staring at his pictures, and then slept all day because I was so exhausted and couldn't do anything but fall asleep.

"Then, there was this lady, she was military spouse, she sat with me for six hours," she continued. "To see her smile, to see her taking care of herself, to seeing her remarried, to hear her tell me she still loved her first husband and missed him every day, but was still able to live, gave me the strength to get out of bed, brush my teeth, start moving again."

Although she remembers the pain like yesterday, Mrs. Dodson said it was through the support of that spouse that she is where she is today.

"I look at my life now and I'm like 'wow, I can do things," she said. "I can smile, I can be happy. It was that woman sharing her life with me that made me know that one day, I would be okay. I want to share that with other people who are in that very dark place that I was in initially."

It's been almost two years since Colonel Martin and Captain Dodson were tragically killed when the Air Force B-52 bomber carrying their six-person crew crashed off the island of Guam, but the impact of their ultimate sacrifice will continue resonate through their spouse's service.

"My husband was a man who loved life, who lived life with a passion," said Mrs. Martin. "I was eight months pregnant when I lost him. I have a son I need to take care of, our son. I want my son to be proud of his mother. I want him to grow up to be a man like his daddy who was very patriotic, compassionate and a go-getter. My advice to spouses is to take care of yourself, physical, mentally, emotionally, so that you can be strengthened from within. Count your blessings and don't take them for granted."

Thousands of military spouses serve proudly alongside their spouses every day. Many becoming single parents during deployments, others sacrificing their careers to ensure their families are taken care of while their spouse is away or has made the ultimate sacrifice. Whatever their situation is, Mrs. Martin and Mrs. Dodson ask them to find the beauty in their situation and be empowered by it.

"We all have a choice between a life full of happiness and joy or a life that is far less fulfilling, said Mrs. Dodson. "It's what you make of it. You can see there is beauty in everything, even in the most awful and tragic of circumstances. You may have to look really, really deep or change the angle you are looking, but the beauty is there."